What is Gottman Couples Therapy?

Why am I telling you about therapy styles? Because it’s important for you and your partner to decide on a therapist and treatment plan that will work for you both. Therapy, especially couples therapy, isn’t like what you see on TV or in the movies. So I’d love for you to have information to make the best choice for you both.

Gottman Couples Therapy was created by John Gottman, a researcher who has been studying couples for over 40 years.

Rooted in science, Gottman Couples Therapy follows the framework of the Sound Relationship House.  The framework of a house is used to illustrate the levels that a couple must master (or at the very least put attention and focus on) in order to have a healthy and lasting relationship.  

As with a house, the foundation of a relationship must be strong.  We can’t grow our relationships when the foundations are weak.  At the bottom of the Sound Relationship House we have the foundational levels of Building Love Maps and Sharing Fondness and Admiration.  What I tell my couples is that these 2 levels are all about knowing and liking each other.  We can’t get to the hard stuff if the two of you are struggling with friendship and liking each other.  

The Sound Relationship House progresses upward to include skills such as Turning Towards, Positive Perspective, Managing Conflict, Making Life Dreams Come True, and Creating Shared Meaning.  Turning Towards, Positive Perspective, and Managing Conflict can all be put under the umbrella of communication and conflict resolution.  They include skills such as being present for one another, listening, validating, responding to our partners emotions, how to give an apology and so much more.  Making Life Dreams Come True and Creating Shared Meaning can be placed under the umbrella of values; who are we individually, who are we as a couple, and what do we stand for?

Why Gottman Therapy?

When people first contact me they often share a fear that couples therapy won’t work. The truth is that in order for couples therapy to work you need a therapist who knows what they are doing and you need a therapist that is trained in some type of couples therapy framework. I like stuff that I know works, I also married a scientist. Gottman Couples therapy is rooted in science and has decades of data that tells us that it works. 

John Gottman found from observing and studying couples for over 4 decades that couples tend to struggle with much of the same problems and have much of the same needs.  Gottman found that by focusing on helping couples to develop the skills outlined in the Sound Relationship House, couples were then able to leave therapy and continue to work on their relationship.  

I’ve witnessed in my own practice the effectiveness of Gottman Couples Therapy and have seen it help couples struggling with many different concerns.  I’ve seen it help couples recovering from an affair, couples who feel out of love, couples struggling with the transition into parenthood, couples struggling with conflict and fighting, couples struggling with addiction, couples struggling with trauma.  I truly believe Gottman couples therapy can help your relationship too.

Begin Gottman Couples Counseling in the Bay Area, California (Online).

Call today or email to schedule a free consultation and find out how Gottman Couples Therapy can help your relationship thrive.