5 Great Things That Happen When You Start Working On Your Anxiety
how to silence those anxious thoughts and worry at bedtime are a big part of what you work on in therapy when you seek help for anxiety. Many client’s report that once they start sleeping better they experience less anxiety. Client’s report feeling rested, better able to handle stress, better able to meet the demands of their job, improved relationships with their partner and co-workers, and they attribute a lot of those positive changes to sleeping better and learning how to manage their anxious thoughts at night time.
Change is hard. Change is especially hard when you don’t feel good, when you are in an anxious state and struggling to focus and to sort out thoughts. Making any change to feel better can feel overwhelming, that’s why I like to encourage focusing on small changes over time. The idea is that by choosing one small goal or one small change to make, this change can be sustainable. Once that change is in place, you choose another one to make and over time all of these little changes add up to a big change in how you are feeling. Curious about what some of those changes might be? Stay tuned as I will be sharing some of those in upcoming blog posts.
When things get hard it can be easy to stop working on making changes to improve how you are feeling. To keep focused on your goal of feeling less anxious I’ve made a list of 5 great things that can happen to you when you start to work on your anxiety.
You sleep better - learning sleep hygiene and how to silence those anxious thoughts and worry at bedtime are a big part of what you work on in therapy when you seek help for anxiety. Many client’s report that once they start sleeping better they experience less anxiety. Client’s report feeling rested, better able to handle stress, better able to meet the demands of their job, improved relationships with their partner and co-workers, and they attribute a lot of those positive changes to sleeping better and learning how to manage their anxious thoughts at night time.
You get more done because you can actually focus on what’s in front of you. People who struggle with anxiety are often thinking about what might happen in the future. They are consumed with thoughts of “what if I can’t pick the kids up on time”, “what if I get fired”, “I gave Jenny and mean look when we were walking in, what if she says something to me later about it”. Or they’re living in the past, thinking thoughts like “I’m a bad mom. I can’t believe I snapped at the kids this morning before I left”. These thoughts make it hard to focus on completing the task in front of you, whatever it may be.
You start to learn to identify the things that are within your control and you start learning how to let go of the stuff that’s out of your control. This is another thing you learn in therapy. Your therapist will help you to see how you are worrying about and taking responsibility for things that are either not in your control or are not yours to take responsibility for. You learn how to catch yourself worrying about those things and you start using coping skills to accept what you can’t control. Overtime you begin to start letting go of things that are not in your control. The other benefit of this skill is that you start to focus your energy on the things you can control. You start to identify solutions and create plans that actually start to help move you towards your goal of feeling better.
You start to take better care of yourself. You learn skills to cope with anxiety, you start to practice things like yoga and meditation, and you realize that these things actually care for you in more ways than one. You start to gain real experience with self care and realize that true self care is more than a fancy bubble bath every once in awhile.
You spend more time with friends and you enjoy that time because you are present, not worried, and you have given yourself permission to be with your friends. You stop worrying about the kids being home with their dad, you stop worrying about making lunches and if your partner will make the right lunch for the kids, you stop thinking about what a good mom is and isn’t and you start to become yourself, the woman and mom who is actually perfect just the way she is.
Remember, change doesn’t happen overnight. It takes consistent effort, practice, and patience with yourself as you learn how to handle your anxiety in new ways.
If you notice that you are struggling with anxiety or are feeling higher levels of stress than are normal, talk to a therapist. You can learn to manage anxiety and you can learn skills to help you work through anxiety when it does come up.
If you are struggling with anxiety, I would love to help you. I am located on the border of Hillcrest and University Heights, down the street from the Sprouts Market and have a couple of openings for new client’s. Contact me today for a free 15 minute phone consultation or to schedule an appointment. I look forward to talking with you.
Tips for Talking to your Therapist
Wondering what to say to your therapist? Worried you won't know what to share once you are in the room. Here is a link to an article that may be able to help.
This week I am posting a link to a blog I was featured in on Thriveworks. The blog normalizes some of the discomfort of starting therapy, sharing your story, and opening up to your therapist. Towards the end of the blog are some tips I provide on how to prepare for your session and how to open up to your therapist. I hope you find the information useful.
Here is a link to the blog http://thriveworks.com/blog/tips-open-honest-counselor/
If you have any questions or are curious about the therapy process, feel free to send me an email. I love hearing from readers.
Are you ready to start making some changes in your life? Are you ready to start working on your happiness? If so, I am opening a few extra slots to take on some new clients. Call 619-383-1900 to schedule your session today or go to www.GwendolynNelsonTerry.com to find out more information about how therapy might be able to help you.
What is Self Care?
They love being a mom so much, they forget about everything else in their life, and one day they wake up and they have nothing left to give. It’s at this point, where they feel they have nothing left to give, that they wander into my office.
Often, by the time a mom comes into my office they are burnt out. They say things like “I don’t know what’s wrong with me” as they sob on the couch and describe to me a feeling of being deeply tired, stressed, overworked, and feeling like a failure in every area of their life.
It’s not that these women don’t love being moms. In fact the extreme opposite is often the case. They love being a mom so much, they forget about everything else in their life, and one day they wake up and they have nothing left to give. It’s at this point, where they feel they have nothing left to give, that they wander into my office.
I work with women to help them to start taking care of themselves in a way that still allows them to take care of their families. The word self care gets thrown around a lot and is usually coupled with bubble baths, wine, and scented candles but that kind of self care is not realistic for the busy mom so I work with my client’s on simplifying self care. Self care simplified means making sure the basics are covered. Am I well rested? Am I hydrated? Am I hungry? Self care is asking yourself “What do I need right now?” Sometimes the answer will be “A bubble bath, some wine, and to light one of my nice scented candles”. Sometimes the answer will be surprisingly simple, like, “I need to go to the bathroom” or “I need to drink some water”.
You see, when you’re a busy mom you are so trained to tune into what’s going on with your family that sometimes you forget to tune into what’s going on with you.
Your assignment this week, if you choose to accept it, is to set a reminder on your phone. When the reminder goes off, I want you to take a moment to breathe in deep 2-3 times and to ask yourself “what do I need right now”. Whatever comes up is OK. You don’t have to act on whatever comes up for you, you don’t have to do anything. Step one is to just acknowledge what your need is.
Want more individualized support? I have a couple of openings in my San Diego practice right now. To schedule an appointment call (619) 383-1900.
Drinking to cope with motherhood
Today women juggle more responsibilities and have more stress than any other generation before them. They feel pressure to be the perfect parent, bring in an income that allows for a nice house and to pay for their kids soccer and ballet lessons. When at work they feel pressure to be home, when home they feel pressure to be the fun and sexy wife, when with their children they are worried about work. It feels that life is always moving, they are never where they “should” be
I often work with women who are struggling with how to manage the stress that comes with being a mom, partner, employee, friend and much more. Today women juggle more responsibilities and have more stress than any other generation before them. They feel pressure to be the perfect parent, bring in an income that allows for a nice house and to pay for their kids soccer and ballet lessons. When at work they feel pressure to be home, when home they feel pressure to be the fun and sexy wife, when with their children they are worried about work. It feels that life is always moving, they are never where they “should” be, they are never doing enough and never feeling successful. With all of this pressure it can be easy to turn to drinking as one tool to shut down the constant pressure that many women are feeling today.
It is possible for people to have a healthy relationship with alcohol and you might just be one of those people. But for some women, drinking is becoming a normal tool to manage the stress that often comes along with raising children and trying to have a happy marriage. Below is a short checklist of signs that you may be relying on drinking in order to manage stress.
__You drink more or for longer periods than you intended to.
__You have tried to stop drinking before but couldn’t.
__Drinking is starting to interfere with taking care of your family.
__Drinking more to get the desired effect (decreased stress, feeling relaxed, etc)
These are just a couple of signs that drinking may be becoming a problem.
If you think you may be drinking to much try and stop for a week, see what happens and how you feel about your alcohol intake. Notice what comes up for you during that week, was it hard? Easy? Did you enjoy more time with your kids or notice less arguing with your husband? Or maybe you fought more with your husband and were on edge with the kids all week.
If you noticed that it was hard to give up drinking, therapy may be able to help. Depending on your needs therapy may be able to help you manage your stress, decrease anxiety and depression, improve your relationship with your partner, family and friends, and to decrease your alcohol use.
I would love to help you on your path towards feeling better. To schedule an appointment call (619) 383-1900 or email gwendolyn@gwendolynnelsonterry.com
Gwendolyn Nelson-Terry is a licensed marriage and family therapist located in the Hillcrest neighborhood of San Diego, CA.
2 Online Resources for Self Care
Need a moment to yourself or a way to unwind? Here are 2 of my favorite online resources that have helped me to fit in a little bit of self care when life is feeling a little crazy.
Need a moment to yourself or a way to unwind? Here are 2 of my favorite online resources that have helped me to fit in a little bit of self care when life is feeling a little crazy.
Yoga with Adriene - I am a huge YWA fan and Find What Feels Good (FWFG) fan. Adriene runs a subscription based website called Find What Feels Good and for $9.99 a month you get access to all her videos. Before you sign up for the subscription service be sure to check out her Youtube channel where she releases one free yoga video a week. If you are someone who has tried yoga in the past and have been unable to get beyond the sometimes pretentious vibe of yoga then check out Adriene. Adriene has a down to earth style, great sense of humor and is body inclusive and affirming. Here's a like to the YWA Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene and a link to her subscription based website: https://yogawithadriene.vhx.tv/
Breathe with Calm - Feeling a little keyed up and anxious? Just got some bad news and want to scream and cry but you got to go pick up the kids (Hey, no judgement, I’ve been there), take a moment and breathe. Breathe with Calm is a website that guides you through a breathing exercise with written instructions and a visual. https://www.calm.com/breathe
If you have 30 minutes this week, log onto the Yoga with Adriene Youtube channel and give one of her sessions a try. If you find yourself short on time or having periods of high anxiety and stress this week, give the Calm website a try.
Gwendolyn Nelson-Terry is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist located in the Hillcrest neighborhood of San Diego.