In my work as a marriage and family therapist I’ve found that there are 3 distinct types of conflict attitudes. There is the conflict comfortable (aka conflict neutral), conflict avoidant, and people who seem to seek out and relish conflict.
Read moreA Fun, Quick Exercise For Couples To Help You Show Each Other Love
By structuring affection, couples learn to be more mindful of the ways in which they show love and attention to one another. Couples are often surprised by how little they show one another.
Read moreValentine's Day Every Day: A Blog Post On Building Gratitude In Your Relationship
One thing that Covid has made abundantly clear is that we don’t know what the next moment holds, we can’t take things or people for granted and that their are many, many unknowns out there. Knowing how precious each moment is, knowing how important our relationships are, every day we should should be striving for gratitude in those relationships; mom, sister, partner, friends, daughters, sons, all relationships.
Read moreWhy Your Conversations Turn Into Fights
Ever say something normal to your partner like, “hey, the kitchen is super messy”, only to have it turn into a full blown fight? Or have you ever had your partner say something to you like “Star Trek is better than Star Wars” and find yourself in a 3 day argument?
Seemingly normal conversations with our partners can easily turn into huge fights when our triggers are left unchecked.
What is a trigger? Great question, I’m glad you asked. A trigger is a topic, story, gesture, face, movement
Read moreIt Doesn't Matter Who Is "Right", What Matters Is How You Listen To Each Other
It’s not uncommon for a couple to find their way into my office in the midst of an argument, each person wanting to declare to me why they are “right” and why I should tell their partner they are “wrong”. Couples are often surprised to hear me say in response, “It doesn’t matter who is right or wrong. You don’t need to agree or disagree with one another, you just need to listen.” So unsatisfying, am I right?
Read moreDoes Online Counseling Really Work?
Does online counseling really work?
This is one of the most common questions I get. Online counseling absolutely does work and often times can be even more effective than doing in office counseling.
Read moreThe Importance of Stating a Positive Need
Picture this: You walk in the door after a long day. You’re tired, you need to feed the kids, you just can’t wait to slip on your sweats and relax in front of the TV. As you walk down the hallway you notice dirty socks on the ground, you go into the kitchen and once again your partner has left his breakfast dishes on the counter, you go into the front room and find your partner sitting on the couch watching TV and they look up from the TV and say “Hey babe, what’s for dinner?”.
Read moreA Simple Tool That Will Make a Huge Impact In Your Next Relationship Conflict
Most couples when they come to see me talk about their arguing, they just can’t seem to get beyond it, they don’t feel heard, and they feel like their partner just doesn’t get them. They keep having the same fights, talking about the same issues and getting no where. Often, by the time they make an appointment to see me one or both par
Read moreHow to Handle it When You or Your Partner Shuts Down During a Fight
John Gottman calls it Diffuse Physiological Arousal that state that a person goes into when they have started to emotionally flood and they are starting to shut down emotionally and physically. During Diffuse Physiological Arousal we might experience a racing heart, we might feel tense, we might go into what feels like fight, flight or freeze.
Read moreWhat to Do When You've Said Something Wrong During an Argument With Your Partner
There are a couple of types of ways that you can give a repair to your partner after you’ve said something you regret or when you see that you words have escalated the fight.
Read moreHow to find the right couples therapist
Finding a couples therapist that matches your needs takes a bit of work. First, if you were hoping to use your insurance for couples therapy, most insurance plans will not cover a couples therapy session. This is because in order to use your insurance the service has to be medically necessary. Insurance does not view your relationship as a medically necessary issue to cover. For this reason alone I suggest that people do not call their insurance companies for a list of referrals to therapists.
Read moreGottman or EFT? Which one will save my marriage?
We’ve all heard those nightmare stories from our friends about those couples who went and the therapist only made it worse.
The reality is that going to couples therapy does bring up unresolved issues. It does sometimes mean that things get worse before they get better. That’s why finding a trained couples therapist is so important.
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