A Simple Tool That Will Make a Huge Impact In Your Next Relationship Conflict

Most couples when they come to see me talk about their arguing, they just can’t seem to get beyond it, they don’t feel heard, and they feel like their partner just doesn’t get them. They keep having the same fights, talking about the same issues and getting no where. Often, by the time they make an appointment to see me one or both par

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How to Handle it When You or Your Partner Shuts Down During a Fight

John Gottman calls it Diffuse Physiological Arousal that state that a person goes into when they have started to emotionally flood and they are starting to shut down emotionally and physically. During Diffuse Physiological Arousal we might experience a racing heart, we might feel tense, we might go into what feels like fight, flight or freeze.

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How to find the right couples therapist

Finding a couples therapist that matches your needs takes a bit of work. First, if you were hoping to use your insurance for couples therapy, most insurance plans will not cover a couples therapy session. This is because in order to use your insurance the service has to be medically necessary. Insurance does not view your relationship as a medically necessary issue to cover. For this reason alone I suggest that people do not call their insurance companies for a list of referrals to therapists.

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Ahhh, summer break

The weather is warm.  My daughter is here for the week.  Life is good and I’m checking out for a bit. 

I hope everyone is taking time to enjoy their summer.

My goal is to return to blogging next week.

Until then, enjoy the weather, enjoy your time with loved ones.

What To Expect During The First Couple Of Sessions (Couples Therapy)

It’s been months of non stop fighting and the two of you have agreed it’s time to go to counseling.  You feel anxious, unsure what to expect, hopeful that this helps. It feels like so much is riding on this.  You hope you choose a good therapist, you hope the therapist can help you explain your side, you hope they can help the two of you start talking again.

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Gottman or EFT? Which one will save my marriage?

We’ve all heard those nightmare stories from our friends about those couples who went and the therapist only made it worse.

The reality is that going to couples therapy does bring up unresolved issues.  It does sometimes mean that things get worse before they get better. That’s why finding a trained couples therapist is so important.

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Negative Sentiment Override - A Major Block To You Having A Fulfilling Relationship

When all you ever seem to do is fight with your partner it’s hard to want to go home and spend time with them.  Finding extra things to do at work, or going out for happy hour with your friends seems like a reasonable excuse to avoid what has become a very tiresome pattern in your relationship.

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Attachment Styles - Why Yours May Be Causing Conflict In Your Relationship

You and your partner have a pattern, it may look like this: You are feeling restless, you think it’s because of your relationship. You start to wonder what is wrong in your relationship. You question if your partner is cheating on you, if they’ve fallen out of love with you, if they are no longer interested in you sexually. You start to question if you’ve gained weight, if you are boring.

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Is it ever OK to comment on someone's weight?

A client recently asked me “is it ever OK to talk to someone about their weight?”.  We had been discussing her feelings around her body and the messages that she received as a kid growing up.  This client was in the process of trying to understand how her parents apparent concern for her health had set her up for a lifetime of believing that her body was wrong.  If she couldn’t receive this message from her parents, could she receive it from anyone else?

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Signs of Depression

Let me start this blog by saying all feelings are normal.  All of them. Sadness, anger, frustration, fear, anxiety, happiness, joy...all normal.  For this reason, to some extent depression is normal too. Short periods of depression for say a couple of hours, a day or two, even sometimes up to a week is normal.  Knowing the signs and symptoms of depression can help you decide when it is time to reach out for support from your doctor or a trained therapist.

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When is it time to leave my relationship?

One of the most common issues that I work on with women in my therapy practice is helping them to understand the dis-satisfaction they have in their relationship.  Often my clients will ask me what are the signs that they should leave their partner. There is no magic formula for making this decision and what I mostly end up telling them is to take their time, gather as much evidence as they can about the relationship and the state it is in, and be confident in their decision to stay or go.

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3 Ways Therapy Can Help Your Relationship

Each couple brings in a unique set of challenges and experiences that dictate their needs in couples therapy.  Your therapist can discuss with you what your needs are and can help you and your partner create goals for couples therapy.  Along with those goals that you create with your therapist there are some benefits that just go along with doing couples therapy.  

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Why can't I just talk to my friend? Why go to a therapist?

Great question!  Talking to a friend, sister, or partner sometimes is enough.  But sometimes it just doesn’t cut it. When things are really challenging and the struggle has been going on for a long time, leaning on friends and

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