One of the most common issues that I work on with women in my therapy practice is helping them to understand the dis-satisfaction they have in their relationship. Often my clients will ask me what are the signs that they should leave their partner. There is no magic formula for making this decision and what I mostly end up telling them is to take their time, gather as much evidence as they can about the relationship and the state it is in, and be confident in their decision to stay or go.
While there is no magic formula to help you to decide if you should stay or go there are some warning signs that tend to mean that the relationship will be harder to get back on track.
First, weak fondness and admiration. Simply put if you don’t like your partner, if you don’t enjoy being around them or if they don’t like or enjoy being around you then it makes it hard to want to work on the relationship. The foundation for any good relationship is friendship and liking the other person. When fondness and admiration are in place you are more likely to want to invest the time and effort into improving the relationship.
Every couple has a story of how they met. Happy couples look at the story of how they met with some joy and with a smile on their face. If you or your partner start focusing more on the me-ness of your time together, if your story focus has shifted from a partnership to a one person show. If you or your partner tell the story of your relationship with impersonal details, without humor or vivid memories this is a sign that the relationship has gotten way off course.
Relationship Struggles push you apart: Relationships are hard and they take work. Happy couples tend to look back on relationship struggles with pride because they can see that they overcame a struggle and they can see the growth they made as a couple through that difficult time in their relationship.
Your relationship falls short of your expectations and you just can’t seem to move beyond it. Your relationship is never going to be as great as the romantic comedies you love to watch, those aren’t realistic representations of relationships. Relationship have ups and downs. As you get to know your partner he or she will reveal to you some personality quirks that you may not like. You’ll get annoyed with each other. Your body will change over time, their body will change over time. These are all normal sources of discomfort in a relationship. Asking yourself if you are happy with your decision to stay in your relationship can reveal a lot about where you are emotionally. If you’re happy with the decision you made to get married that says something. If in your heart and gut you aren’t happy...well then it might be some time to make some changes.
Knowing what to do in your relationship is seldom a clear cut answer. Therapy can help you to understand your relationship patterns, can help you to gain some insight into relationship problems and can help you to better understand your emotions and needs within the relationship. Call 619-383-1900 today to schedule your free 15 minute phone consultation and find out how therapy can help you in your relationship.